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Light Up with Love and Connection during the Festive Season

The holidays are a time for celebration with those who are most important to us, whether it’s family by blood or family by choice. This year, Covid-19 may have thrown our plans out the window but let’s not be discouraged.  We’ve proven we’re resilient and we’ve learned that we do better when we’re connected to community. So let’s reflect on what matters most and make this a festive season one to remember, for all the right reasons.

Science has proven that twinkly lights and festive decorations make us feel happy. Well it may have been a very small study, just in my home. So it’s not really scientific; more subjective. My husband jokes that he lives with a Christmas elf. I start sneaking the decorations out around mid-November. I love the simple joys of the season: sparkly lights and evergreen boughs. I love the preparation too but this year we’re putting a different spin on things and I want to encourage you to do the same.

While we’ll miss whatever celebration we’re used to with our loved ones, let’s be bold and focus on what we can do to make the most of the festive season with those around us. Ask yourself how you can show up for your neighbours and allow them to show up for you?

Instead of the annual Christmas gathering we host for our immediate neighbours, we’re organizing a stay at home potluck. On a specified date, each family will drop off two dishes on each other’s porch, we’ll set up a zoom chat to toast the season and enjoy a quieter celebration but a celebration nonetheless. Oh yes the food during the festive season is another favourite of mine. Many of us have our signature dish or treat and I hope you plan to share whatever your specialty is with your neighbours and friends. Every year, I make the plum pudding that my Mum and Godmother prepared as well as the white fruitcake my mother-in law made, so I can keep their spirit close at Christmas.

The fact that we aren’t as free to go shopping this year means that we can reframe that idea too. The real gifts of the season are kindness, empathy, compassion and love. These are gifts we all have an endless supply of and actually increase as we share them with others. A small gesture for a friend or neighbor, a donation to an organization that supports people who need it, especially at this difficult time, could be an expression of your kindness and compassion. Perhaps you could offer a card or a call, a package of goodies or a beautiful heartfelt smile. The possibilities are only limited by your imagination. I encourage you to hold nothing back this year when it comes to sharing yourself with those around you.

This Pandemic pause has brought stress for sure and it’s brought beautiful gifts. We know now that we are better together and some of us have learned to appreciate support from neighbours and even strangers. Let’s all dig in and see where we can make a difference for those around us, to ensure that this festive season shines bright like the North Star.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Healthy Habits for Interesting Times

Do you find that you feel more tired or are more easily upset lately? Well you’re not alone. It’s called Covid fatigue because we’re all dealing with so much unknown and that can be exhausting.  In all of this, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. I’d like to offer some ideas that might be helpful when it comes to either calming your energy down or lifting it up a little.

Remember that while it’s important to incorporate healthy habits, it’s equally important not to overwhelm ourselves with pressure to get it all done right away. Let’s be gentle as we navigate through this Pandemic together.

Move it or lose it

It’s important to keep our energy up by keeping our body moving. All it takes is about 30 minutes a day, which can be broken up into segments to make it more manageable.  This helps to strengthen our muscles and having strong muscles is good for our heart health, balance, stability and coordination. Remember dancing is considered movement, so feel free to dance around the room like nobody’s watching.

Don’t skimp on sleep

While doctors recommend adults get between seven and nine hours of sleep, as we age, we might require less shut eye. I find that I wake up in the night if I’ve had too much sugar, caffeine or alcohol, so I limit all three and expect disrupted sleep when I overindulge. One of the great contributors to good sleep is our first tip: exercise. Also having a set bedtime helps: consider setting an alarm for bedtime, so your body has a predictable rhythm. I think we all know that using devices right before bed is not a great set up for good sleep. If you find it’s a challenge to settle your mind down before sleep, consider an app like Calm for some free meditations, beautiful sounds and stories. It’s very…calming.

Laugh

Stock up on laughter whenever you can. Watch funny movies, enjoy jokes and share your laughter with others too. Reminding yourself of a time in the past when you laughed yourself silly will lighten you up and research tells us that smiling, even when we don’t feel like it has a positive impact on our brain. So….smile…say cheeeeese; embrace the good old belly laugh!

Keep your tank full

Be careful not to over serve others, while we frame it as being kind, sometimes we can deplete our resources when we give too much to others. I like to be generous and give from what I have in my overflow. I’ve learned to stick to the motto: help those who help themselves. I also make sure, when I can, to support organizations that help those who can’t help themselves.

Take your vitamins

If you asked, I’m sure your doctor would say that eating a healthy, balanced diet is a brilliant foundation for wellness. Especially during this stressful time, we want to maintain a healthy immune system. At any age, we might need to top up the levels on some vitamins and minerals, depending on our lifestyle and the season. It’s best to consult a professional, to ensure that your levels are optimal. Also, as we head into flu and cold season, stock up on your favourite remedies and consult your doctor about whether you’re a good candidate for vaccines for pneumonia, shingles and the flu.

Do your chores

It’s debatable whether making your bed as soon as you get out of it is the correct answer. In coaching we recommend it but some say letting the bed air out is good too. So take the pressure off on that one but do take care of chores around your home and do it, knowing that you are going to benefit.

Perhaps it’s sorting through clothes or photographs: both can be cathartic. Take care of dishes right after your meal to feel the sweet satisfaction knowing you won’t walk into a kitchen in need of a cleanup later.

To avoid feeling overwhelmed, we can trick our brain by breaking down large tasks into manageable pieces. I suggest giving half an hour to a project, just to get into the process. It’s not a contest, it’s simply a goal, so don’t shame yourself if you don’t get things done the way your mind thinks it should be done and remember to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

Give compliments out like candy

I’d like to leave you with a little experiment that’s both easy and challenging. Given that most people are dealing with a lot these days, how about making a point to give compliments to people you encounter in your everyday life. For some, it may be the one comment they need to turn their day around. Compliments benefit the person you’re praising of course but I guarantee you’ll feel good and you’ll realize how powerful your words can be. The most important ingredient in this challenge is to be sincere when you give compliments; when you’re caring in this way, it impacts whatever environment you’re in whether it’s work or home life in a positive way. Not all conversations will be appropriate for this assignment but when you think of it or notice something, be sure not to hold back.

We’re all beautiful works in progress

I know we’ve been conditioned to think that if we don’t get it right or get it done right away, we’ve failed in some way. That’s a myth we need to bust. Nobody is perfect, in fact, it’s better to strive for consistency instead of perfection. Our job is to manage our thinking about getting things done and about taking good care of ourselves. Whatever we can do is enough but it’s important that we do something outside our comfort zone to stir up the energy, so that we can navigate not procrastinate.  Remember to be kind to yourself and fuel your attitude with exercise, laughter, fresh air and friendship. Accepting that we can’t control much right now, gives us space to focus on what we can do.  If some of these suggestions are new to you, why not give them a try, I bet you’ll feel better for it.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

How to Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Are you afraid of heights, flying, insects, needles, storms or public speaking? If you are, you’re certainly not alone. Fear is as old as the human race and is deeply rooted in our operating system. Its role is to protect us against a perceived threat and may be as simple as mistaking the top of a cherry tomato for a spider or as serious as feeling that our life is in danger. 

In the spring and summer of 2020, it feels like we’ve been overserved with fear. During the Covid-19 pandemic, we have more questions than answers and we feel uncertain about the future. While fear of the unknown is real, our thoughts about it are not always real. What we think is powerful and we need to keep in mind that our thoughts lie; they lie a lot.

Unfortunately we can easily buy into negative thoughts and if we want to enjoy life, even in this time of the pandemic pause, we need to take charge of our wellness on all levels. We need to eat properly, get rest, exercise, drink plenty of water and manage negative thinking to reduce stress.

It’s important to recognize when our thoughts are inaccurate. Credit goes to bestselling author and speaker Byron Katie and her method of asking ourselves four questions when those pesky negative thoughts attempt to take over. 

Choose one thought. For example: we’re never going to get out of this pandemic.

  • Is this (negative thought) true?
  • Answer: I really don’t know.
  • Can I absolutely know that it is true?
  • Answer: no.
  • What happens when I believe that thought?
  • Answer: I feel afraid.
  • Who would I be or how would I feel without this thought?
  • Answer: I would feel that I am in charge of my future.

It’s time now to turn the thought around. Ask yourself this question: what is the opposite of that thought?

Answer: We will get out of this pandemic.

American psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen supports Byron Katie’s method; he created the term ANTs or automatic negative thoughts, referring to the gloomy or complaining thoughts that seem to multiply in our mind.

If fear based thoughts have ever held you back from trying something new, again you’re not alone. The problem is though that these thoughts, left unchecked can create an undesirable result and steal joy, when we could be having fun. When we recognize our automatic negative thoughts for what they are, we can stop the multiplying and refocus our thoughts on something more positive.

Dr. Amen has several categories for ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), among them:

-Always thinking: when we think in terms of always, everyone, never, no one, everything and every time.

– Focusing on the negative: only seeing the bad in a situation.

-Fortune telling: predicting the worst possible outcome.

-Mind reading: we believe we can read someone else’s thoughts (and they’re not good) without them telling us or without us asking.

Dr. Amen advises that once we’ve identified the ANTs, we can remind ourselves that it’s simply a thought and that thoughts aren’t truth. Then we stand up to them and don’t allow them to limit our joy and finally we flip the ANT to a PAT (positive affirming thought). In the example we used earlier: ANT (automatic negative thought) we’re never going to get out of this pandemic. PAT (positive affirming thought) we will eventually recover from this pandemic and I plan to enjoy myself every day until we do.

As with any new habit that benefits our wellness, it takes training to chase away the ANTs; the great news is that as we practice, we take power away from negative thoughts and gain control over our attitude and ultimately our happiness.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Building a community of Kindness

In this extraordinary time of uncertainty, we’ve had to adapt at a rapid rate, even though our world feels like it’s in slow motion as the pandemic pause continues. The type of change we’re facing all over the world with quarantining, physically distancing and wearing masks is unmatched and it can take a toll on us. Nobody has an answer for when the COVID-19 virus will wrap up and the not knowing as well as the changing social norms we’ve had to adjust to can make us feel anxious. In many ways we’re witnessing a different world emerging and in the transition, sometimes we can feel overwhelmed and even powerless.

Wait a minute! We’re not powerless that is unless we believe we are. Let me explain. In the previous blog, I talked about physicist and kindness expert Dr. David Hamilton’s side effects of kindness and how giving and receiving kindness has health benefits like lowering blood pressure and inflammation. He also talks about how kindness positively influences our relationships. It’s important to recognize that how we feel has an impact on our wellbeing. While we are fundamentally resilient, it turns out we flourish when we turn to others for support, whether its family, loved ones or the community we live in.

“Kindness to you is kindness to me and kindness to me is kindness to you.” Rick Hanson, neuropsychologist in Psychology Today

Over the last few decades, researchers have been studying what is now called positive psychology.  It’s the scientific study of the qualities it takes for individuals and communities to thrive. It includes examining how nurturing positive emotions such as joy, appreciation, kindness and love improve our happiness and can have an impact on the wellbeing of others. 

We have to take action to bring out the benefit of these positive forces and the great news is that it’s not difficult. An interesting fact is that kindness, appreciation, love and any expression of them connects us to others whereas judgement separates us. As humans, we’re hardwired for judgement, so we have to work at releasing the hold it has on us and switch to a more relaxed and frankly kinder way of viewing others, if what we want is to feel good in our relationships. 

Whether we’re volunteering at an animal shelter, dropping off some flowers or home baking for someone or listening to a friend share a challenge they’re experiencing, being generous helps us to see our lives as meaningful. We create opportunities to learn about others, increase our self-confidence and have some fun along the way. It can feel uncomfortable if we’re not used to contributing or being kind. It takes moving out of our comfort zone, facing fear, feeling vulnerable or uncertain to create a better result and when we take in in baby steps, it really is work worth doing.

When we give to others and receive with appreciation, we make our bond stronger. I’m sure you’ll agree that pretty much everything we do in life is about relationships, whether it’s at home, at work or in our community; how we operate in those relationships determines how we feel about them.  Just like we take care of our home or office space to make it better, doing the same for our relationships is important too. By making a contribution and operating with kindness, we create purpose and meaning for ourselves. In addition, we influence those around us to take action themselves. We have the power; we can make a difference. If each one of us takes on this responsibility, together we can create a groundswell of good that will help make our world much better. After all a little kindness goes a long way.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Kindness Can Change the World

Doesn’t it fill your heart when you see a person being kind? 

In this turned upside down world, kindness powers us up when we feel disheartened. People are stepping up to serve our most vulnerable, we’re showing appreciation and celebrating the everyday heroes working on our behalf to take care of us and communities are learning the value of having and being good neighbours. It seems kindness is reviving our faith in humanity.

At one time it was thought that human beings were selfish but as scientists unlock more about the complex nature of being human, new conclusions are being reached. While we are very interested in our own survival and success, studies reveal that generosity is in our biology and our evolution.

Before our lives were disrupted by this pandemic, we had a narrower focus on our own needs, our family’s needs and our next right moves toward feeling successful. Along came a major disruption that actually cracked people’s hearts wide open. There’s more empathy in our world than ever and more generosity springing from that empathy. Most people are just doing the right thing by helping others, however they can.

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” —Princess Diana

Dr. David Hamilton a physicist and kindness expert talks about the five side effects of kindness.

1.     It makes us happier as our brain releases chemicals that increase dopamine and we get a good feeling.

2.     Our hearts are healthier. That good feeling produces oxytocin in the brain and the body which increases nitric oxide, reducing blood pressure.

3.      Being kind slows aging; again oxytocin helps reduce inflammation in our cardio vascular system and slows aging.

4.     Being kind and generous makes our relationships better.

5.     Kindness is contagious. According to Dr. Hamilton it has a contagion factor of five; each act of kindness impacts five people.

“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” —Scott Adams

If we’ve learned anything in this pandemic pause, it’s that we certainly can’t control world events. What we can control though is how we respond to world events. Perhaps you’ve been quite content in your life in this unusual time or maybe you’ve been feeling anxious or frustrated. Or maybe it’s all of the above. Whatever you feel is just fine and it stands to reason that our feelings are all over the place. So what does this have to do with kindness you may ask?

Well, if you’ve been feeling content and happy during this period, you can share some of that goodness with others through acts of kindness. If you’ve been feeling anxious, a good way to shift that energy is…..you guessed it…by focusing your attention outward on acts of kindness for others. Let me say here that an act of kindness can be a smile, it can be listening to somebody, it can be monetary or it can be sharing your talent as in baking for someone, writing a card or a thoughtful email.

I don’t think there’s been a better opportunity in history than right now to tap into the vision that each one of us can make a difference by being kind. 

I’d like to invite you to become a VIP member of The Secret Kindness Club, where we do acts of kindness every day for others and don’t tell anybody. No further action is required to become a member; initiation begins with your next act of kindness.

Here’s your first challenge. Notice the next three people you encounter and say something kind to them. It can be wishing them a cheerful good day, complimenting them on something they’ve done or something they’re wearing. Notice their smile, thank them for something or acknowledge them by saying hello. Be courageous; make the first move and discover for yourself how your kind acts can help change the world. Welcome to the club!I started a private Facebook group called The Secret Kindness Club, where we can share our acts of kindness and be inspired by others. All you have to do is ask to join.

 

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

The Wisdom of Experience: Inspiration for Challenging Times

Throughout history in many cultures around the world, societies have turned to their elders for wisdom. In this current climate of crisis, many people are turning to Google and YouTube for information and of course there are trusted sites for facts about what’s going on but what about our parents and grandparents? They’re reliable sources of insight, who have learned many life lessons. Just think about what they’ve witnessed over the decades. Their wisdom is gold right
now.

It’s wonderful to hear about grandmothers teaching their grandchildren how to make bread on a zoom call while we’re in isolation. More than baking bread, many of our parents and grandparents have refined the art of not complaining because they’ve learned that it doesn’t make thing better; instead they learned that courage is a superpower and they put it to good use, to help them steer ahead.

The resilience of the human spirit is impressive and we’re seeing a lot of it now. I recently read about a woman named Joy from Lunenburg Nova Scotia, who heard about Captain Tom Moore’s accomplishment, raising money for the British health care system, by walking laps around his garden, as he approached his 100th birthday. Joy thought if Captain Tom can raise money by walking why can’t she? It’s something she does faithfully every day anyway. As Joy approaches her 102 birthday, she’s committed to walking .8k every day to raise money for the Victorian Order of Nurses, where she worked for many years. Joy claims to be a very ordinary person, whose life seemed to fly under the radar until she got old. She lives on her own, has a very positive outlook on life and is using her daily walk to help others. How inspiring is that beautiful soul?

People of all generations are rising to this pandemic by sharing their gifts and themselves in the most remarkable way. Volunteer teams gather daily to feed our most vulnerable citizens, children participate in kindness challenges. I have a secret kindness club going with my ten year old great niece, where every day we each do something kind in secret and don’t tell anybody but each other. There are businesses pivoting so they can provide safety equipment, health care workers committing themselves to supporting people when they’re sick. Behind the scenes scientists are working hard to understand this complex Covid 19 virus, so we can work toward a clearer understanding of how it operates and move closer to having a vaccine. The courage, kindness and compassion we’re experiencing now is both impressive and inspiring. It seems everyone is asking themselves what they can do to help make things better for the greater good.

In this time of isolation, we’ve been taken right back to our basic values and what’s really important to us is surfacing. For many of us it’s family and community. We’re learning every day as we take inventory of our needs, what we really require to live our lives well. We’re all missing connection and even though we’re linked virtually, it’s clear that we need in person contact to thrive. We’re also feeling the importance of community, as neighbours rise to help one another get through this and we will get through it with help from all sides.

What about you?

Is there something you’re doing that you find helpful when it comes to staying connected to your family, friends and neighbours? Have you found that this crisis has made you feel more courageous and resilient? Will you carry some of the new positive habits you’ve been creating with you into the future?

Remember we’re all in this together and the more we focus on the good, the better it will be for all of us. Captain Tom Moore’s wise words are a comfort for our times “at the end of the day we shall all be okay. The sun will shine on you again and the clouds will go away.”

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

The Power of Compassion, Empathy and Kindness in an Uncertain World

In this extraordinary time, are you feeling unsettled or uncomfortable? I know I am; for many of us, this disturbing feeling is a reflection of what’s going on in our world, where we don’t know much for sure. The fundamental fear we’re experiencing has an important role to play for our survival and protection.

But fear is a trickster; it can make us do and say strange things. Let’s not ignore or repress fear; rather let’s call fear out; face it head on. Let’s get clear about what we’re really afraid of and name it. If we’re afraid of getting sick, remember that none of us is in charge of the virus, only our thoughts about our wellness. So a better focus for our thoughts would be on our wellness, right? The idea of naming what we’re afraid of takes away some of its power and puts us in charge of our thoughts, words and actions.

Calling out fear, the con artist helps us gain perspective, enabling us to navigate with compassion, empathy and kindness for ourselves and for everyone around us. It’s my view that these qualities are our true nature but when fear takes over, we overlook them because we go into survival mode and focus on our primal needs. When we ask fear to take a back seat, we create space for our superpowers of empathy, compassion and kindness to support us in keeping fear managed.

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama

Compassion arises when we feel for someone in a challenging situation without experiencing it ourselves. Empathy flows when we put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and feel the experience they’re having. In this unprecedented time, empathy is everywhere because we are all experiencing the same threat, so we can appreciate how each other feels. Both of these beautiful human qualities come quite naturally to us but when fear is present, we have to make extra effort to lead with them rather than leading with fear.

“I choose the path of kindness. The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

If you bump up against a challenge with another person either in their behavior or something they say, remind yourself that just like you, this person is doing their best to do their best. Call on your endless supply of kindness and compassion to help you navigate and be mindful of your words. If what you want to experience from others is kindness and compassion, make the first move and watch what happens.

Just like this virus spreads in ways we don’t really yet understand, kindness spreads too. Physicist and kindness expert Dr. David Hamilton explains that the Covid 19 virus has a contagion factor of 2.5 which means that every person who spreads the virus spreads it to 2.5 people. Each of the 2.5 spreads to 2.5 and the number increases just like compound interest. The contagion factor for an act of kindness is 5, which means that every act of kindness impacts 5 people and when we multiply just like compound interest, kindness can be a very powerful force.

“We can’t control the wind but we can adjust the sails.” Unknown

We can’t yet control the virus but we certainly can control our thoughts and face our fears head on. When we focus on how we can be of service in a very positive way for others, there’s no end to what we can do to make a difference. Consider a smile, writing a note, making a phone call, giving someone a compliment or simply listening as acts of kindness. Remember how kindness spreads and how good you feel when someone shows you kindness; then ask yourself how you can get busy ensuring we have more than enough kindness to go around. Live well, stay well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Calming Your Mind In Stressful Times

In the modern world we’re now absolutely bombarded by information — from phone calls to 24 hour news cycles to highway billboards and social media posts.

With the information overload and our busy lives, is it any wonder that our mind constantly plays a soundtrack of anxious and intrusive thoughts?

Kathie Donovan shares insights into calming our minds.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

How To Manage Living In Interesting Times

Life is certainly unstable right now; this uncertainty messes with us humans physically, mentally, emotionally and even spiritually. It’s no joke.

None of us knows how the coronavirus will impact our communities and our loved ones; all we can do is keep calm and carry on. That was what the British government put on a poster to help boost morale in England as they prepared for World War II; that was no joke either.

So, what can we do to help ourselves and our community? Well first of all, it’s important to be informed but equally important not to allow ourselves to become overwhelmed. Watching news all day is not good medicine for us on any level. While the media has a key role to play in keeping us informed, remember that fear is a kind of currency for the media and it’s up to us to manage the budget. So check in but don’t stay too long, change the channel….but to what?

Here are a few suggestions that I’m practicing to help manage the stress in all of this uncertainty.

I’m minimizing exposure to drama in the media and in conversations with other people. Be a leader and control the dialogue. Yes it is scary but let’s all do our best to stay in the present and not get too far ahead of ourselves.

I don’t mean to disregard reality but it’s important to surround yourself with positive energy and give your thoughts a positive focus. It could be watching a funny movie, cat videos, uplifting interviews, speaking with people you know who are positive; reading articles like this to stay focused on what you can do to help yourself and those around you. It’s important to stay connected with each other; with so many options available, we can stay “in community,” virtually without having to be irresponsible. The elderly are our most vulnerable, if you think of someone who may need some groceries or a meal, call them and make the offer. Just the sound of a happy voice, will settle them down. I’m sure they will appreciate knowing they are not alone in this.

Ask for help if you need it. Believe me; someone is waiting for you to ask.

Thanks to online ordering, electronic banking & all the delivery services out there, we should be able to get what we need, even if we are self isolating.

Watch caffeine intake, it can create anxiety in the body and we want to minimize that. Choose herbal tea or water instead. Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet, which means minimal refined carbohydrates, especially sugar, which weakens the immune system.

Practice or learn how to use your breath to calm your body. Practice or learn to meditate to calm your thoughts and your body.

Watch the negative self-talk and potential criticism of others. Fear is a trickster; it can make us feel like we’re doing the right thing when in truth, the right thing is always to be kind toward yourself and everyone else.

Finally, use your thoughts to focus on gratitude for people on the front lines of this unpredictable virus, gratitude for their service and courage. I’m grateful for them and I’m grateful for you. Be well; live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

From Little Seeds Great Things Grow

I was a dedicated smoker for a few decades of my life; I’m not proud of the fact but what I am delighted with is that I was able to stop. Smoking is a stubborn habit. It took me about seven attempts before I was able to gradually stop smoking successfully. To help me get through the withdrawal from nicotine, I was encouraged to do more aerobic exercise, eat more protein and leafy greens. I didn’t really understand why these new habits helped but they did. It turns out it was about focusing my thoughts on feeling good through healthier practices and not focusing on the negative feeling of giving something up. It worked! I’ve been free from cigarettes for almost thirty years.

Our brain is a powerful supercomputer; it’s involved in everything we do. The brain has connections that run throughout our body; it determines how we behave and how well we think. I remind myself often that our thoughts are really the only thing we have control over in life. We can’t control events and we can’t control other people. Our thoughts are so powerful that they can be sabotaging, even debilitating when left unchecked; they can also be a powerful positive force when we manage them well.

Negativity is so easy to buy into and that’s mainly what our thinking mind serves up. It takes a focus on something other than our random thoughts to shift us out of negativity, especially when there’s so much fear in the world but it is important to take ownership of our thoughts and direct them toward a good result, just as I did with giving up smoking.

What sounds like a daunting responsibility can be managed by having a healthy foundation; then building on small shifts to produce long-term positive results. It’s important to get good nutrition, good exercise and good sleep; these are the pillars of a healthy mindset. If you want to improve any of these, start investigating how you can develop better sleep habits and ask your doctor to check your blood work to ensure that you’re not deficient in important minerals and vitamins. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant and we need to treat it like medicine. I love yoga and practice it regularly; I find it really helpful when it comes to stress management, feeling calm and having clarity. Start small with any of these healthy practices and be kind to yourself as you learn something new.

Now that we’ve set the foundation, we can start building on.

I wasn’t always a grateful person; in fact I grew up feeling like I never had enough and that I wasn’t enough because that’s what I learned at home. There was more emphasis on what we didn’t have and who we could never be instead of learning to appreciate what we did have. In adulthood, after realizing that this line of thinking was sabotaging my best efforts to be happy, I chose to teach myself to focus my thoughts on what I had to appreciate, starting with small shifts. Try this: look out the nearest window and pause for a few minutes. Notice the colours you observe; notice the sunlight or cloud formation in the sky. What makes you feel good about what you see? Pay attention to that. If you can’t see, listen, even to the quiet and appreciate that you can hear. If you can’t hear, notice your breath and be grateful for that.

It’s all about bringing our attention into the present moment and appreciating life exactly as it is. Even on days when life sucks, there is something to appreciate. In this small practice of focusing our thoughts on the good instead of the random negative thoughts our brain serves up, we create a brighter result. Next step for me was writing down five things I’m grateful for every day until it became a thinking habit; if it was a bad day, I’d write ten things. The truth is, the more grateful we are, the more there is to be grateful for.

Despite what your thoughts tell you, your brain loves a challenge. Learning to talk back to negative thoughts is an important habit to cultivate. Ask yourself if the negative thought is really true and if it’s not true, please correct it. When you do, you take away its power. Instead of allowing your thoughts to run your life, work on learning new things. It’s through learning that we develop new connections in the brain and enhance its capability. There is absolutely no age limit on learning and in fact when we stop learning, our brain slows down. We have to work it like a muscle.

Small, no fail steps are the building blocks of good sustainable habits. It’s important to recognize that we’re all beautiful works in progress; the goal should be to constantly improve and not to win anything or anyone’s approval. Do your best to feel your best you’ll find yourself willing to keep going and growing.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

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