Healthy Aging

September 6, 2024September 6, 2024

How I Learned to Make Friends Again

I sat on the balcony of my apartment at The Wellings, watching as the late afternoon sun cast a warm, golden hue over the landscaped gardens below. The Wellings was a lovely place, a community designed for people in their golden years, with everything we could need just a short walk away. There were walking paths, a cozy café, and even a tiny library. Despite its charm, I had hesitated to dive into the community. After all, joining a new group at this stage in life felt like stepping into uncharted waters.

But I soon found that everyone at The Wellings was welcoming and friendly, eager to make newcomers feel at home. When I arrived, the staff greeted me with warm smiles, and the residents always seemed ready with a kind word or a cheerful wave. It felt like the place where you couldn’t help but make friends.

It used to be so easy to make friends. When I was young, all it took was a smile, a shared joke, or a common interest. Friendships formed in the blink of an eye, whether in the schoolyard, at church socials, or even during a simple stroll through the neighbourhood. We were open, had time, and embraced the people who came into our lives. But as the years passed, life got in the way. Responsibilities, careers, family, and eventually, the passage of time slowly built walls around us, and the friendships we once treasured became distant memories.

Now, at 75, living in this beautiful place, I wondered if I had lost the ability to connect. But with the friendly atmosphere at The Wellings, I began to think maybe it wouldn’t be as complicated as I feared. Still, the idea of jumping into activities or starting conversations with strangers left me feeling unsure. It had been so long since I’d had to make the first move.

One evening, my granddaughter Natalie—Nat, as I call her—came to visit. We sat in the small café downstairs, sipping tea and watching the residents come and go. Nat, always wise, noticed how I seemed to hold back, my eyes following the groups of friends yet never moving to join them.

“Grandma,” she said softly, “why don’t you join some of the activities here? Everyone seems so nice, and I’m sure you’d make new friends in no time.”

I sighed, giving her a small smile. “It’s not that easy anymore, sweetheart. Things change. I’ve changed.”

“But look at everyone,” she replied with the confidence of youth. “They’re all so friendly, just like you. I bet they’d love to get to know you.”

Her words stayed with me long after she left. Feeling more hopeful the next morning, I followed her advice. I walked down to the community room, where a group of members gathered for a game of cards. My heart pounded as I approached, but I reminded myself that this place was full of kind people.

“Do you mind if I join?” I asked, my voice betraying my nerves.

The group looked up, and without hesitation, one of them—a woman with soft white curls and a warm smile—nodded, pulling out a chair. “We’d love to have you,” she said, her voice full of genuine warmth.

As we played, I felt the old ease of conversation slowly returning. We chatted about the game, our lives at The Wellings, and the little things that brought us joy. I realized the key to making friends hadn’t changed; it was still about being open, sharing a part of yourself, and genuinely listening to others.

In the following weeks, I began to explore more of what The Wellings had to offer. I joined the walking group that met each morning to stroll the paths around the gardens. I signed up for a pottery class, discovering a new hobby that brought me unexpected satisfaction. And every Thursday, I found myself at the social hour in the café, laughing and sharing stories with people who, just a short time ago, were strangers.

It wasn’t long before I no longer felt alone. The Wellings, once a place where I simply lived, became where I truly belonged. I had found friends and, more importantly, rediscovered the joy of connection.

Making friends again wasn’t as tricky as I had feared. It differed from when I was young but was more affluent and deeper, filled with the wisdom of years lived and shared experiences. The trick was taking that first, sometimes daunting step and allowing myself to be open to the possibilities.

As I sit on my balcony now, watching the sunset over The Wellings, I feel a warmth inside that has nothing to do with the fading sunlight. It’s the warmth of knowing that, even at this stage in life, friendships can still be formed, and new joys can still be discovered.

And perhaps, just perhaps, it’s easier than we think.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by My Wellings

August 30, 2024September 6, 2024

Nourishing Ourselves: Body, Mind and Spirit

Are you a caregiver personality, someone who prides themselves on putting other people’s needs ahead of your own or have you figured out that your needs are important too? I’m curious because somehow when I was young, I learned that it was noble to prioritize other people’s needs. While it might feel natural for us to take care of other people, sometimes we’re so focused on other people’s needs, we abandon ourselves until we’re exhausted and out of resources. Who is there to take care of us when that happens? The answer is: it’s the same person responsible for our happiness: it’s us. We’re responsible for it all. This life lesson has taken me a few decades to integrate and I’m still working on it but I’m getting there. I’m learning that I can give to others, and take care of my own needs too.

“When you say, ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
– Paul Coelho, Author, The Alchemist

When we’re taught about nourishment we’re educated around calories, leafy greens, fibre and protein but not so much about feeding ourselves good thoughts. We’re taught about calories in and calories out, but we’re not taught that rest is a key part of productivity. In fact, pausing is almost frowned upon where it should be celebrated. We’ve become a culture that praises hustling and denigrates resting, overlooking the fact that resting fuels us to be productive in a healthy way. Let’s face it, while we’re managing the details of our lives, we’re also managing our energy and we want to have stores of it so we can proceed with purpose.
Rest has many personalities for us to engage with; we can incorporate it into our day by focusing on a hobby, spending time reading or meditating. We get quality rest by including good sleep habits in our day, including letting our body know that sleep is coming up by having a set bedtime and wrapping up eating two hours before bed. We can wear blue light blocking glasses when we’re in front of our computer screen or our phone, we can enjoy calming music or have a warm bath in the evening. When our mind is focused on future tasks, ruminating about all the things we have to do, we can take a few minutes to write a to-do list, this will give us the comfort of knowing we don’t have to think about it all the time, to remember to do it.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
– Author, Anne Lamott

Research tells us and I say it a lot here: food and movement are two important keys to living a long life, but the number one predictor of our longevity is social connection. Our warm relationship with others scores higher than whether we choose to eat popcorn or not. Friendship and community are essential nutrients in our lives, so it’s important that they’re healthy. Creating boundaries around toxic relationships is empowering, once we get past the initial discomfort. Learning to say yes to what we really want and no to what we don’t want is also uncomfortable, especially if you’re a recovering people pleaser but the reward of not having to do things you don’t want to, is worth the effort. Working on eliminating gossip, being a good listener, asking good questions, offering compliments and expecting nothing in return are all nourishing habits that build healthy connections.
Stepping out of our comfort zone and taking the lead on inviting someone to have coffee, go to a movie or take a walk are all brilliant exercises when it comes to building our courage muscle, which we need to have toned to live a fulfilling social life. Especially as we age, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we’ll lose our mojo when it comes to trying new things. Let’s forget about what we’ve been taught about getting older and ensure that we have what we need: people around us who light us up and activities that make our days enjoyable. The truth is that there are no rules; we’re in charge of all of it.

“Invent your world. Surround yourself with people, colours, sounds, and work that nourish you.”
– Author, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy

Spirituality is a unique experience for all of us. I might be interested in practicing yoga, meditation, mindfulness and kindness as my spiritual practice and someone else might find religion a perfect fit for their needs. I fully believe that creativity is a spiritual practice. Ask anyone who writes, paints, draws, plays music, sings, does handiwork, builds things, dances, or designs gardens and they’ll tell you that they can easily lose track of time because they’re living in the moment with whatever they’re creating. It’s the most remarkable, unexplainable experience and while it’s often challenging, it’s also grounding and rewarding. Have you ever thought you’d like to try something creative even if you don’t think you’ll be good at it? Go ahead, be lousy at it, you can still have fun and not be good at something. Who are we doing these things for anyway? The answer should be we’re doing all of this for ourselves. You just never know what you’ll discover about yourself by trying something new.

I studied colour pencil drawing years ago and was mortified that I didn’t know how to do it right out of the gate but how could I? My teacher was an accomplished artist and physicist who was very compassionate. I kept at it, and you know what? I learned a lot and produced a few beautiful drawings. Maybe it’s time to pick up the pencils again and see what we can create together.

I’ll leave it to the professionals to advise us on how to eat for optimum health, but I do know that too much sugar is destructive. Yup, I’ve learned that the hard way when my sleep was being impacted by sugar. I’m a work in progress on that topic, it’s so addictive and hidden in plain sight. It’s such a shame that it tastes so good. The other lesson I’m learning is around water. Drink it. I now add lots of fresh lemon to my water to entice me because the only way I really enjoy water is in a bathtub or floating on a pool noodle in the river.
Hahaha.

I’ll leave you with this. Find ways to make yourself laugh, not only to lighten your day but to boost oxygen in your blood, improve your immunity, burn calories, relax your muscles and lower stress hormones. Heck, forget everything else I’ve said here and find something that makes your heart sing with laughter.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

August 23, 2024August 23, 2024

Books We Couldn’t Put Down

As avid readers, we constantly search for stories that spark the imagination and keep us turning pages late into the night.

If you’re like us and love getting lost in a good book, check out these top-selling novels that have taken Canada by storm in 2024:

Everyone Here Is Lying by Shari Lapena
It is a thrilling tale of deception and suspense in a quiet suburban neighborhood. Secrets unravel as everyone’s lies come to light, keeping you guessing until the end.
Meet Me at the Lake by Carley Fortune
It is a romantic novel about love lost and found, set against the picturesque backdrop of a lakeside town. This story explores second chances and the power of memories.
The Defector by Chris Hadfield
It is an intense espionage thriller that blends action with space exploration, written by Canada’s astronaut. This novel will keep you on the edge of your seat.

Happy reading!

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by My Wellings

August 2, 2024August 2, 2024

Why Happiness Matters and How to Cultivate More of it in Your Life

What does happiness mean to you? Some of us think of happiness as a fleeting state, depending on circumstances and other people. For others it means contentment or feeling successful. Happiness to me is a state of mind rather than a feeling in response to something outside of myself. I call it true and sustainable happiness and I learned about it by not having it in my life. Sounds strange I know but I believe we’ve been taught to think that we’ll find happiness through people and situations outside of ourselves. While we may get results pursuing happiness this way, to maintain the feeling, we must keep chasing after it. We can get closer to the meaning of true sustainable happiness when we acknowledge what it is not. It’s not money in the bank although that’s a nice thing to have; it’s not status although that’s lovely too. We have been mistakenly convinced that our happiness comes as the result of having money and status. You can’t buy true sustainable happiness, but you can earn it by investing in yourself.

“Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I call myself a happiness expert, so you’ll understand why I’m fascinated with the subject. My passion is researching how to help people uncover more of what I call true happiness; that’s been the focus of my work for the last few decades. I’ve been committed to the topic in part to support myself. As I mentioned in my first book Inspiration in Action: A Woman’s Guide to Happiness, happiness was so elusive in my life as a young woman that I felt like I was reaching into a large, overstuffed purse, pulling out whatever I thought might make me happy and trying it. Nothing and I mean nothing from shopping and drugs to alcohol and losing myself in relationships provided what I now know as true happiness. I’m grateful to have survived my experiments and now use the wisdom I learned from those experiences to help other people have an easier time connecting with their own version of happiness.

“Happiness isn’t a goal, it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

The question is how do we invite more happiness into our lives? We all have our own preferences when it comes to everyday living and what makes us feel good. We have different tastes in music and art which is so special, but I don’t think we put enough emphasis on incorporating gratitude and kindness into our everyday habits. We’re conditioned to take our lives for granted until something happens to shake us out of our slumber. Some of our Wellings members tell us that they take the opportunity to create new habits and live life more on their own terms instead of living to please anybody else when they move into our community. That’s a step in the direction of more happiness. You’ll often hear people who have survived a terrible accident, or a life-threatening disease say they’re grateful every day. I believe it but we don’t need to wait for something extraordinary to happen for us to develop that deep appreciation. It’s all about the lens we choose to see life through.

When we see ourselves as separate from others either better or less than others, we’re turning away from happiness. The truth of this life is that we are all connected as a human race and the simple acknowledgement of that fact turns us toward a more settled mindset instead of the stress and chaos that separation sets us up for. Adding to that, having compassion for ourselves and others instead of feeding the drive to judge helps to settle our nervous system, which is a contributing factor to experiencing true happiness.

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

Positive psychology, the school of science that explores happiness, recommends that being grateful, partaking in regular exercise and having healthy relationships will enhance our happiness. Developing a practice of being grateful by writing down three to five things a day we’re grateful for will help to embed the habit in our mind. Moving our beautiful body however we’re able will enhance not only our wellbeing but our sleep as well. Removing toxic people from our social circle and eliminating habits like complaining and gossiping will lighten us up to make more room for happiness. Incorporating more positive habits into our daily life encourages production of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine which are correlated with happiness and pleasure. Who doesn’t want more of that?

I’d say watching our thoughts is an important pillar when it comes to our happiness. Mindfulness refers to noticing when negative thoughts start to take over and adjusting our focus to think of something positive or compassionate instead of judgmental. You’ve heard it said that we’re our own worst critic, right? Well, it’s also true that we can be our own best cheerleader. It’s our choice because as I’ve said here before, the only thing in life we have control over are the thoughts we choose to think. It’s also important to get comfortable listening to our own good guidance. While other people may have our best interest at heart, only we know what is best for us. Learning to enthusiastically collaborate with others and willingly receiving support from others takes away the pressure we might feel to do everything ourselves and places the focus on interdependence, providing both empowerment and comfort.

“Happiness is a direction, not a place.” – Sydney J. Harris

Embracing lightheartedness, scheduling joyful events on the calendar, so we always have something to look forward to and making time in our day to compliment, smile and laugh with other people all contribute to our true happiness. Small shifts in our habits can create meaningful improvements in our lives over time so that we’re healthier and more productive. Remember that true sustainable happiness is not a goal, it’s more of a process; the more we embrace it and invest in it, the more access we have to it.

Ten tips to cultivate more true sustainable happiness in your life.

Put yourself at the top of your list. Practice self-compassion and make yourself a priority
Develop gratitude as a practice and say thank you often.
Work on having a strong social network for your own support and to give you a sense of belonging.
Be a good listener. Listen attentively to what other people say and respond thoughtfully.
Have goals and purpose to enhance happiness.
Prioritize time for family, partners and friends.
Don’t tolerate people who criticize you or make you feel disrespected.
Give up complaining and gossip.
Speak kindly to yourself and about yourself.
Investigate meditation to help calm the mind.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

June 28, 2024July 1, 2024

The Benefits of Alone Time and the Power of Community to Heal Loneliness

How do you feel about being alone? Your answer may be a clue to how you’re wired as a human being. Some of us spend so much time alone that it’s uncomfortable to be around people and some of us spend so much time with people that it’s uncomfortable to be alone. We like to put people into categories such as the ones psychoanalyst Carl Jung created: introverts and extroverts. If you enjoy hobnobbing at a party, you’re categorized as an extrovert and if you aren’t fond of small talk and would prefer a good book cuddled up on your couch at home, you’re categorized as an introvert.

It’s not only about our behaviour, but also about how we recharge our batteries. Some of us need to be around other people to feel energized and some of us need peace and quiet to refuel, so we can handle being around people. Some of us are a little of both and can switch back and forth quite easily. I mention all of this because as human beings, we love a good category. We appreciate it when things are clear cut and easily defined but what it is to be human is not that. Being human is complex and multi-faceted. We’re all unique. Categories are helpful as a guide to point us toward what each one of us needs to thrive. It helps to reflect on situations where we feel most energized or relaxed. Were you alone and enjoyed the day so much you lost track of time? Perhaps that’s a hint that you enjoy being alone. Were you with others who shared a common interest whether it’s a hobby or work? Did it fill you up or tire you out? Reflecting this way can help us understand what our needs are.

“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.” – Ellen Burstyn

I’m more introverted than extroverted. I chose a very public life in broadcasting and public speaking as a career and in many ways, it’s been a terrific education. I need alone time to replenish, manage stress and reflect. Alone time helps me feel more creative and energized so I can be at my best when I’m around people. I’ve learned how to be more extroverted when I’m in social situations (practice helps). People have such interesting stories, and I learn a lot from them. I’ve learned that my story can be helpful to others as well. So, encouraging myself to be more social has had a lot of benefit.

We humans are meant to live in community and to be interdependent. We’re meant to rely on one another; not to be isolated. Research tells us that a certain amount of alone time is beneficial, especially as we age. When we’re alone, we’re more focused and away from other people’s opinions and influence. Being alone is a state of being, and being lonely is an emotional response. While loneliness is part of being human and it’s something we all feel from time to time, we all experience it differently. Some of us feel lonely for a short time and others feel lonely for long periods. Some of us feel lonely when we’re with people, especially when we don’t feel those around us care for us or understand us.

Feeling lonely can contribute to mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and sleep challenges. Conversely, mental health challenges can contribute to feelings of loneliness. Because this aspect of our lives is unique to each one of us, there isn’t one solution for all. Life events outside of our control, important holidays, and big changes in our lifestyle can magnify feelings of loneliness. Being kind toward ourselves or being self-compassionate is an excellent starting point, then opening up to people we trust, not overwhelming ourselves with tasks, resisting the impulse to compare our situation with anyone else’s and instead recognizing that our situation is unique, and the remedy will be unique as well. Learning to take excellent care of ourselves by speaking kindly toward ourselves and about ourselves, taking it slow and not pressuring ourselves to have all the answers might be an effective prescription to start with. Getting exercise without overdoing it, listening to beautiful music, watching lighthearted entertainment on tv, or going out for a walk with a friend might be more your style. Remember procrastination is fear in disguise and deliberately taking small steps to complete a task can help to calm fear.

“The loneliness you feel is actually an opportunity to reconnect with others and yourself.” Contemporary philosopher – Maxime Legace

Loneliness is an epidemic, in our current North American social climate, despite or maybe because of the many ways we are electronically connected. But human connection is something we haven’t been able to replicate digitally, and I hope we never do. Instead, I hope we choose to connect in community whether it’s with our family or our family of choice, so that we can see how much we have in common and help one another along the way.

Life is much smoother when we accept that we’re all unique and that includes our needs. I love alone time to refuel while my friend needs to be around people to fill her tank. We don’t judge one another, instead we respect each other and encourage each other to do what’s right for us. While I’m an independent minded woman I know that I need people as much as they need me. It’s my responsibility to make sure I take good care of myself and sometimes that means spending time alone and sometimes that means sharing what’s happening with my friend.

We’ve been conditioned (I say conned) to think that when we’re independent, we’re strong, but in learning what our needs are and how to be vulnerable with others, we discover our true strength. Having the courage to be vulnerable sets us up to receive support from our community and it’s feeling that we’re part of something bigger than ourselves that builds sustainable strength. It’s knowing that we’re all in this together and together we can do anything.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

June 21, 2024June 21, 2024

Flex Your Brain Muscles with These Captivating Math Puzzles

Are you ready to give your brain a fun workout from the comfort of your home?

We’ve compiled a collection of engaging math puzzles perfect for sparking lively discussions.

Whether you’re challenging a neighbor or enjoying some leisurely problem-solving on your own, these puzzles are sure to add an extra zing to your day.

Be sure to look for the solutions at the end of this blog article!

The Monty Hall Problem

Imagine being on a game show with three doors: one hides a prize, and the others hide nothing exciting. You pick a door, say No. 1, but before it’s opened, the host—who knows what’s behind the doors—opens another door, say No. 3, which reveals no prize. He then asks if you want to switch to door No. 2. What would you do? Are your chances better if you switch?

The Missing Dollar Riddle

Three friends share a $30 hotel room, paying $10 each. Later, they found out they were overcharged $5, so the hotel sent the bellhop back with the refund. Unable to divide the money evenly among the three, the bellhop gives each friend $1 and keeps $2 for himself. Each friend now paid $9, totaling $27. The bellhop has $2. But where’s the missing dollar?

Cheryl’s Birthday Puzzle

Cheryl tells her friends Albert and Bernard 10 possible birthday dates. She whispers the month to Albert and the day to Bernard. Based on what they know and say, can you figure out Cheryl’s exact birthday?

The Four 4s

How creative can you get with the number 4? Using exactly four 4s and any operations, try to create equations that result in numbers from 0 to 100. For instance, to get 16, you might write $4 + 4 + 4 + 4$. What other numbers can you find?

The Farmer, Fox, Chicken, and Grain Puzzle

A farmer must get a fox, a chicken, and a grain sack across a river in a small boat that only holds one item besides himself. If he leaves the fox with the chicken, the chicken won’t last long, and the same goes for the chicken with the grain. What’s his strategy for getting everything across safely?

Solutions

Have you thought them over?

Let’s check your solutions:

Monty Hall Problem: Switching doors is better because your chances of winning become 2/3.
Missing Dollar Riddle: There’s no missing dollar. The $27 total includes the $25 room cost and the $2 the bellhop keeps. The math adds up perfectly.
Cheryl’s Birthday Puzzle: This puzzle depends on the clues given about what Albert and Bernard know. Each setup might have a different answer, so check your clues.
The Four 4s: There are many possible solutions here, and it’s a great exercise in creative thinking.
Farmer, Fox, Chicken, and Grain Puzzle: Take the chicken across first. Return for the fox, taking the chicken back. Leave the chicken, take the grain across, then finally come back for the chicken.

We hope you enjoy these brain teasers.

It’s a great way to keep our minds sharp and have some fun along the way.

Happy puzzling, everyone.

in Health and Fitness, Healthy Aging Posted by My Wellings

May 31, 2024June 13, 2024

Self-Compassion for a Happier Day

I pride myself on being a pretty good cook, having taken care of most of the meals for our little family of two over the last thirty-something years. I love to try new recipes, visualizing them in my imagination and relying on my experience in the kitchen to improvise when I feel confident to do so. Occasionally, things go sideways, and the dish doesn’t turn out as I envisioned. I used to feel bad about it, sometimes I’d scold myself, or point out the perceived mistake before anyone else could say anything. I wanted to protect my feelings from being hurt. It’s exhausting to feel we must cover up when things don’t go as planned. My little story is a small example of the many situations we find ourselves in where things don’t go as we imagined, or we feel we’ve messed up somehow. The most natural response is to frame it in a negative way and be critical of ourselves. This just sounds like human nature, doesn’t it? But does it have to be?

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein

It’s that old school conditioning around perfection; it was part of my education growing up but not part of my experience because nothing I was or did could ever have been perfect. That’s how I thought about myself and my life when I was young. The concept of perfection was always out of reach back then, but I have since learned that perfection is nothing more than an illusion. Take nature as an example: we understand that nature is perfect in every way with her rhythms and her beautiful creations but there isn’t one straight line in nature. Think about that. When we observe nature, we can see that there are no mistakes; life in nature is gloriously flawed and we’re comfortable celebrating that.

In nature, nothing is perfect, and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful. – Alice Walker

While we are part of nature, she feels more like a great teacher because our human experience is different. Unlike animals in the forest, we don’t trust our intuition or our natural rhythm, we rely on our thoughts mostly and sometimes that’s where we get ourselves into trouble. When we make a perceived mistake, our critical thoughts step in to tell us that we’re wrong, that we don’t know how to do whatever it was we were trying to do.

But without our perceived mistakes, how would we learn to do better? How would we know what’s for us if we don’t try different experiences? Nobody nails it on the first go. Life is complex and finding our joy in it takes some practice.

“Self-compassion is nurturing yourself with all the kindness and love you would shower on someone you cherish.” -Debra L. Reble PhD

In her book titled Self-Compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff PhD says that having compassion for ourselves, meaning treating ourselves as we would a cherished friend when they’re struggling, helps us to feel stronger and more resilient. Initially this idea rubbed me the wrong way because of the deeply ingrained conditioning I had around independence and perfection. As a young person, I learned to be independent and to strive for elusive perfection. But as I reflected on the idea of compassion and did a little research, I shifted my perception. The word compassion comes from a Latin word meaning to suffer with and research shows that human beings are naturally compassionate because to greater or lesser degrees, we all suffer. We know how to be there for other people when they’re going through it but recently, I’ve been learning through Dr. Neff’s book about the great benefit of having compassion for ourselves. The idea takes the focus off independence and perfection and places it on interdependence and acceptance. We need each other and we need to accept others and ourselves as we are and what we are is gloriously flawed.

“Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.” ― Kristin Neff PhD, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

There are close to 3,000 studies now on the concept of self-compassion and its benefits for our well-being. Dr. Neff says that there’s a difference between acts of self-care like taking a bath or having a massage and self-compassion. The latter is a state of mind; it’s not something that requires resources or taking any action. It’s a way of thinking that is invested in our own best interest. The tricky bit though is we must learn self-compassion because we’re so wired for self-criticism, the evolutionary system that weirdly makes us feel safe. Since learning about the idea of self-compassion, I know which voice I don’t want in my head when things go sideways – a voice that belittles me; what I want is a friend who supports me. Self-compassion then becomes a practice, where we shift our inner dialogue when we mess up from negativity and self-criticism to support and kindness. Let’s face it, nobody gets through life without some challenges and when you can learn to rely on yourself for some compassion you’re far more inclined to be comfortable sharing that support with others.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

May 24, 2024May 24, 2024

Best Friends Forever: Origin Stories

Friendship weaves through the fabric of life, offering comfort, joy, and unforgettable memories. Here are some heartwarming stories of friendships that have stood the test of time, proving that authentic connections can flourish under any circumstances.

Dinner Buddies: The ROMEO Club

After losing his wife, David retreats from social activities, seeking solitude. However, his friend Tony wasn’t ready to let him slip away. Tony invited David for dinner weekly, a tradition he relentlessly maintained despite numerous refusals. Eventually, David gave in, and what started as a reluctant outing evolved into a weekly ritual. This group, which they fondly named ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out), became a cornerstone in David’s life, providing him with companionship and a renewed zest for life during his golden years.

Childhood Friends to Comrades: A Bond Forged in Battle

Two friends maintained a rare and profound bond from the kindergarten playgrounds to the military front lines. Enlisting together and ensuring they were placed in the same unit, they faced life’s gravest dangers. During a critical moment on the battlefield, when one was injured, the other defied orders to save his friend, a daring act that epitomized the depth of their friendship. This act of bravery highlighted their unwavering support for each other, a testament to their lifelong bond.

Sisters by Chance: Julia and Cassandra

Julia Tinetti and Cassandra Madison met while working at a bar, immediately clicking over shared interests and similar backgrounds. Their friendship, marked by laughter and mutual support, took a dramatic turn when a DNA test revealed they were biological sisters. This discovery transformed their relationship, deepening their bond and adding a beautiful familial layer to their strong connection.

Consoling Notes: Patricia and Mary Lou

In the quiet solitude of a cemetery, two grieving mothers, Patricia and Mary Lou, found solace in each other’s company. They started a unique tradition of exchanging inspirational notes under a rock at the cemetery. This small act of kindness grew into a deep, supportive friendship that helped them cope with their sons’ immense loss. Over time, their meetings extended beyond the cemetery to regular coffee dates, where they shared their grief and the joys of life.

These stories of enduring friendships remind us of the profound impact that deep, meaningful connections can have on our lives.

True friendships can provide unwavering support and enrich our lives unimaginably, whether formed in youth or later years.

in Carefreedom Living®, Healthy Aging Posted by My Wellings

May 10, 2024May 10, 2024

Embrace a Stress-Free Lifestyle for a Happier, Healthier You

In the bustling rhythm of modern life, stress often finds a way to tag along, but imagine a life where stress takes a back seat, allowing you to thrive.

Cultivating a stress-free lifestyle isn’t just an excellent idea—it’s essential for boosting your overall health and happiness.

Every cell in your body will thank you for it.

Let’s dive into why reducing stress is crucial.

Stress is your body’s natural reaction to challenges, but when it lingers too long, it can lead to serious health issues like heart disease and depression.

Recognizing the need to manage stress is your first step toward a healthier life.

Now, how can you transform this knowledge into action?

Start with something as simple as mindful meditation. It’s incredible how sitting quietly and focusing on your breath can bring profound calmness and clarity to your mind, easing the day’s stress. Pair this with some form of physical activity you love, whether dancing in your living room, jogging in the park, or striking poses on a yoga mat. Exercise keeps you fit and releases endorphins, those excellent chemicals that make you feel good.

What about food?

Eating well plays a crucial role in how you feel. Including plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains in your diet can stabilize your mood and energy, which helps keep stress at bay. And let’s not forget the power of a good night’s sleep. Strive for 7-9 hours of restful sleep each night to help your body recover and reduce stress levels.

Socializing is another joyful way to beat stress.

Spending time with friends and family and sharing laughs and support can strengthen your resilience to life’s pressures. It’s all about building a network of love and support around you.

Efficient time management can also reduce stress.

By learning to prioritize your tasks and saying no when your plate is too full, you’ll feel more in control and less overwhelmed. For those moments when you need instant stress relief, try some quick relaxation techniques like deep breathing or visualization to calm your mind and ease tension.

Integrating these practices into daily life will significantly improve physical health, mental well-being, and productivity. Effectively managing stress opens the door to a more fulfilling and creative life.

So, while stress might be a standard part of life, it doesn’t have to control your life.

Start with small, manageable changes today, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel.

Here’s to a happier, healthier you.

in Healthy Aging Posted by My Wellings

May 3, 2024June 13, 2024

Mindset Trumps Circumstances when it Comes to Happiness

Each one of us sees life through our unique perspective, formed by our beliefs and our experience. The lens we view life through is called our mindset; it plays an important role in how our reality is shaped. I’m not sure what it was like growing up in your family, but I wonder if you had the experience of your mother telling you that if you made a face at her, your face would stay that way. Anybody? While our Mum’s threat seemed serious at the time, our faces are pretty much a-okay today despite having frequently contorted them in displeasure at her attempts to discipline us kids. Nonetheless, a seed was planted, and I often wondered if I was temporarily getting away with it; perhaps one of these times, my face would stay that way. Now that I know better, I recognize that it’s one of the many myths I sort of believed as a kid.

Another one that was tough to take was while on family vacation we had to wait an hour after eating before going swimming. According to the Mayo Clinic there is no scientific evidence to prove this concept. My husband bought this myth as a kid too and he suggested it was out there to give our parents a break after a meal, so they didn’t have to supervise us kids swimming. How about one more? Were you taught that we only use 10% of our brain? That was my understanding too but according to a neurologist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, we use virtually every part of the brain and most of our brain is active just about all the time.

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question.” – Anthony de Mello

According to Dr. Jacob Towery, clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at Stanford University, our mindset is helpful when it comes to filtering information, it can also work against us when we hold on to ideas that are no longer relevant for us. Dr. Towery explains that we can change our mindset to shift out of distorted thinking, so that we can make room for more happiness in life. I love this idea, it reminds me of the concept of neuroplasticity, which describes how our brain can adapt or change over time with new information and new ways of thinking. This is why I believe that mindset trumps circumstance when it comes to our happiness.

“When you have your health, you have everything. When you do not have your health, nothing else matters at all.” – Augusten Burroughs

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying or said it yourself “when you have your health, you have everything.” I know I’ve said it without giving it much thought but now that I know better, I’ve stopped saying it. It’s another myth I want to bust. Having good health is not everything; having a healthy mindset is. Ask yourself is the reverse of that saying true? If I don’t have good health, I have nothing? The truth is that all of us at some point in life will encounter health challenges but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy or that we don’t deserve to be happy. When we put our mindset in charge instead of allowing our circumstances to dictate how much happiness we’re entitled to, the results are impressive. Those of us who work at having a healthy mindset appreciate the value of community and the importance of having mutually beneficial connections with other people. Research tells us that a healthy mindset points us to appreciate the gifts we have in our lives every day, nourishes resilience and is a great support as we navigate the trials of daily living and any health challenges we encounter.

“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.” – Louise Hay

We’ve been so conditioned to put the emphasis on the wrong thing that we forget what truly matters where our health is concerned. Our health is not only physical, but also emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual. We should all pursue a healthy lifestyle and that includes not only what we eat and how we move but also having healthy thoughts about ourselves and others. I think it’s equally important to say healthy things about ourselves and others, to surround ourselves with people who want only the best for us and to engage in hobbies and activities that support a healthy mindset so we can continue to learn and grow. Life is much more fun this way.

I believe everyone is entitled to a “pity party” for a short time when the wheels come off but let’s not unpack our bags and stay there. An important aspect of having a healthy mindset is having the courage to ask for help when we need it and at some point, we all need it. Recognizing that all humans have an innate desire to be helpful can make it easier to ask for help. Acknowledging that we all need support at some time means you’re not taking anything away from anyone, rather you’re giving someone the gift of being able to be there for you in the same way you would be there for them. Let’s revisit the saying I mentioned earlier and reframe it so it’s true for us. When you have a healthy mindset, you have everything because with a healthy mindset you can navigate anything.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

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Embrace a Stress-Free Lifestyle for a Happier, Healthier You

Mindset Trumps Circumstances when it Comes to Happiness

Natalie Tommy

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