Carefreedom Living®

Carefreedom Living®

Category: Carefreedom Living®

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like the Holidays

December is an exceptional month and one of my favourites. It marks the end of the calendar year, the return of more daylight and many gatherings for religious and family celebrations. It’s a time of both reverence and joyfulness. We all have ways to mark the special occasions we celebrate and outside of the more formal religious traditions, it’s a good idea to make sure our rituals match our lifestyle.

It’s been said that the festive season is the most wonderful time of the year, and it can be. I’ve chosen to stop making the full turkey dinner for our Christmas celebration; instead, my gift to myself is purchasing the meal already made, requiring some easy reheating in the oven. When you add up the time and effort it’s a fair trade with the added benefit of more time for me to enjoy the day.

If the Pandemic has taught us anything, it’s to have a deeper appreciation of what’s important to us, choosing to invest our precious time wisely. It’s not so much how many friends you have but the quality of those friendships. The Pandemic reminded us that we’re all in this together and helped us feel more comfortable caring for each other. These are the things to celebrate during the festive season.

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”
-Hamilton Wright Mabie

The Danish and Norwegian cultures set the mood for feelings of well-being and pleasure with their tradition of Hygge (pronounced hew-guh). It’s a general living concept that focuses on coziness and enjoying the good things in life with good people. If you’re on your own, simply enjoying your morning cup of coffee or tea in a cozy setting or dressing warmly to enjoy a walk outdoors would do the trick. Perhaps taking a bubble bath will help create that comfy feeling.

Gathering with people is a feature of Hygge, given the long cold winter days. We can create a welcoming atmosphere to share food and drink with friends but consider doing it during the day for lunch or snacks instead of in the evening for dinner. It’s a way to connect over festive food and uplift one another, in a season where some of us may struggle. 

“May your walls know joy, may every room hold laughter, and every window open to great possibility.”
-Mary Anne Radmacher 

Nostalgia can take hold in December, when we’re reminded of family and friends we miss or traditions we long for. Recently I learned from an ageless 97-year-old woman at Wellings of Corunna that it’s better to focus on what we can do instead of complaining about what we can’t do anymore. It may be the perfect opportunity to start some new activities that will light you up this festive season or re-ignite some of the traditions you loved before the Pandemic started.

If you long for the gatherings you used to have, organize a gathering with a few friends, where everyone brings some food to share or have everyone contribute to having it catered. Instead of missing all the baking you used to do for family and friends, come up with one or two things you love to make and share your goodies with people around you. How about a special sweet gift for that person who might be challenging to love or who might be struggling in some way?

Consider creating your own holiday cards or purchasing cards and sending them in the mail or dropping off at someone’s door, to lift their spirits and let them know you’re thinking of them. Again, consider someone who might be stressed about something because they need our kindness now more than ever. In fact, kindness is the best one-size fits all, everyone needs it kind of gift.

If you’re considering what to give your family and friends, why not ask them what they need instead of giving them more stuff. Maybe they need help paying bills or they need a night off from taking care of children; your gift could be to pay for a babysitter. One Christmas my husband and I were gifted with a three-month soup subscription and another year we received a three-month cheese subscription. Being creative with gift giving is lots of fun and makes the person receiving your gift feel special.

I find twinkle lights so festive; I have them glowing in our living room, all winter long. They’re inexpensive and rather magical to me. I’m sticking with two traditions that have deep roots in both my husband’s and my family.  My mother-in-law’s white fruit cake is something people line up for and the treasured plum pudding that my Mum and Godmother made will grace our table and will be shared as gifts. These limited-edition homemade treats evoke the spirit of Hygge (which makes me think of a hug) bringing up warm, cozy memories we all have of the festive season.

This year, as you reflect on what’s important to you, enjoy sharing the spirit of the season with others and remember to be a gracious receiver. Appreciation and kindness are two of the most needed gifts of all. Wishing you much joy, peace and Hygge this holiday season.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by Kathie Donovan

Graceful Aging

Aging gracefully is about living your best life and having the physical and mental health to appreciate it. With care, you can mature like wine. Here are a few tools we love that you can add to your life toolbox of resources to keep you happy and living well with us at the Wellings.

1. Be skin-friendly
Protect yourself with sunscreen and clothing. Try getting yearly skin checkups with your doctor, and drink plenty of water to make your skin happy. It helps keep skin healthy and reduces indications of aging.

2. Get fit
Regular exercise lowers your heart disease and cancer risk and prolongs your mobility. Exercising reduces stress and improves sleep, skin, bone, and mental health. Plus, many studies link a sedentary life to chronic illness and early death. Active choices include walks, hikes, vacations, and group workout programs.

Five hours per week of moderate-intensity activity, 1.25 to 2.5 hours per week of vigorous-intensity aerobic exercise, or a mix of two or more days per week is recommended.

You can consider aerobic exercises: walking, dancing, and cycling. Muscle and bone-strengthening activities use weights or resistance bands: balance training, and cardiovascular and muscle-building workouts.

 
3. Mental wellness is key
Being joyful and managing stress helps you live and age healthily. Why it’s important to see friends and family. A robust social network improves mental and physical health and longevity. People with a positive perspective about aging live longer and recover from disabilities better. Learning to accept aging can make a difference. 
 
Enjoy life. Spending time doing things you love will make you happier. 
 
4. Reduce stress 
The impacts of stress range from premature aging and wrinkles to heart disease. Among the proven strategies to reduce stress are: Meditation, breathing exercises, and yoga. 
 

5. Sleep enough
Good sleep is good for your body and mind. Also, it’s good for your skin. Getting enough sleep: reduces heart disease and stroke risks
it will also help you reduce stress and depression and helps improve focus and concentration by reducing inflammation.

6. Try new things
New and meaningful activities can give you a sense of purpose and keep you motivated. In addition, those who indulge in hobbies, leisure, and social activities are happier, less depressed, and live longer.

Finding new activities might give you a sense of purpose.

7: Be mindful
Acceptance and living in the moment are crucial to mindfulness. In addition, practicing mindfulness has various health advantages that might help you age better.

8. See a doctor
Regular visits can help discover problems early or before they develop. Your medical visits depend on age, lifestyle, family history, and health.


At The Wellings, we know that aging gracefully is about health and happiness, not wrinkles. So, to maintain a healthy lifestyle, surround yourself with affection and positive energy. Stay well, my friend.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by The Good Life With Kat & Nat

Cut Your Cable Bill

My husband and I have been reluctant to change our cable package for years. He has his favourites and I mine, but it was more about what a pain it would be to do.

Well, last month we took a leap of faith and cut off the cable. It felt great to do; to finally make the decision and it was so easy, thanks to the help of our son! The good news is, we still have the channels we frequently watched and there isn’t as much mindless TV watching going on either.

Right at Home provides a few more tips on the way we can save money on our essentials. Click here to read the article. 

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by The Good Life With Kat & Nat

Resilience Is Our Superpower

The widely accepted definition of resilience explains our ability as human beings to adapt well when times are tough. In my view, resilience is not only about our astonishing capacity to endure difficult experiences, but also about our ability to adjust and cope with situations in a way that empowers us to emerge stronger, to thrive in the aftermath and to integrate the lessons learned. We do all of this without thinking much about it; it’s more proof that we are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.

We see resilience in action every day at Wellings, as folks adapt to living in community. Over the past couple of weeks, Natalie and I were blessed to visit several Wellings locations and were struck by the many life stories members wanted to share. We hear resilience in many of them, like the gentleman who was living alone in a five-bedroom home, doing his best to maintain it before choosing to give up the space in his house for space in his life to enjoy. Not long after moving into Wellings, he broke his arm and has found great support from his new community to do simple everyday tasks.

Too often we think we can’t do something or we’re too frightened to take a risk to see whether it will work out. It’s interesting to observe the air of confidence our community members have after moving into Wellings. One woman shared with us that her blood pressure and anxiety were both high, while she did her best to take care of the family home alone, after her husband passed away. After three months of living at Wellings, her mood has completely changed: her blood pressure is down and she’s enjoying life. 

“Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”
-Betty Friedan

There’s the couple who had been experimenting with different ways to right size their lifestyle, after giving up their family home. They moved around in a motorhome, so that they could see the country and spend the winter away from the snow. Once they heard about Wellings, they decided to take the plunge and see if our style of community living was a fit for their active lifestyle. Now they’re leaders in the community, spreading positivity and forging great relationships.

There’s the farmer who lost his wife and wasn’t used to going to events on his own. About eight years ago, this music lover decided to go to a concert alone. He was standing in line waiting to go in when he met a lovely woman in line behind him. She had also lost her spouse and while neither of them had purchased a ticket in advance the music was magic that night and brought them together in marriage and eventually, they chose to make their home at Wellings. They were looking for a Carefreedom lifestyle and what they found was a welcoming community, where they can thrive.

One of the most amazing stories I’ve heard from our community members is from a woman who started by saying that she is the most blessed person. She went on to say that on her birthday at the beginning of the Pandemic she wasn’t feeling well. After loving nudges from her family, she asked her partner to take her to the hospital. She had a heart attack in the car and died. Fortunately, she was revived in just a few minutes by the hospital’s medical team. This happened twice more on the same day, for a few minutes each time. She lights up when she shares her story and now that she and her partner are living at Wellings, she’s sharing her joy of living in the moment with everyone she encounters. She sure shines bright.

We meet people who have moved from other cities to live at Wellings because they recognize the power of having positive social connections. Initially it’s scary not only because of a geographical move but a shift in lifestyle. Once settled into the community, they tell us it was the best move they could have made. New friendships are forged and there’s the all-important feeling of being part of something that feels familiar yet fresh and invigorating.

“Resilience: we all have a lot of it, but we don’t think about it because fear always dominates. Change is good but fear always dominates.”
– Kathie Donovan 

Resilience is not something we’re simply born with, it’s an adaptive process that can be learned. If you want to nourish more resilience in your life, here are some ideas to inspire you.

-Recognize that life’s challenges and setbacks are temporary and are setups for the next chapter.

– Choose to be optimistic and look for the silver lining in every situation.

– Recognize that some things in life are out of your control and act on the things you can manage.

– Participate in new activities.

-Ask yourself what is most important right now and act on those items.

– Make stress management practices like exercise and breathing techniques part of your daily routine.

– Control your thoughts; don’t let them run wild with worry. 

–  Make it a habit to help other people.

– Accept help from other people.

One of the greatest gifts I’ve received from our members is a woman who approached me after one of our talks in the community. She said that she wasn’t expecting what she experienced and was happy to share with me that she learned something about herself. I asked her what it was, and she replied, “I learned that I’m important.”  We are all important and we matter at any age or any stage of life. The beautiful thing about getting older is that we have plenty of experience and hopefully lots of wisdom to help us see that connection and community are important pillars. 

 I hope that you feel inspired by some of the stories I’ve shared here and recognize that the connections our members are making in their community bring joy to their lives, which has a ripple effect. Choosing to live at Wellings is truly a fresh start for many and after speaking with members of our communities, it’s clear that the future of aging looks bright. Thriving in community is one of the secrets to success in this next brilliant chapter of life.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by Kathie Donovan

Choose Compassion Over Judgement to Thrive in Community

Judgement says, “I see you; you’re different from me.” Compassion says, “I see you and we’re in this together.”

Judgement makes us unavailable for new information; compassion opens our hearts and minds.

We spend a lot of energy being concerned about other people’s judgement of us for any number of reasons. Too often, our worry prevents us from doing things we might really enjoy like meeting new people or having new experiences. What we forget is that other people’s judgement of us reflects something in them and has nothing to do with us.

People are going to judge us; that’s a fact of life. It’s how we respond that makes the difference. When we choose our response, we must remember that we don’t have to take everyone’s opinion on board because their view isn’t about us at all. However, if we feel their judgement is warranted, we can ask ourselves what we can learn from it.

People have judged me because I’m short in stature. Truth be told, being small has been a ticket to the front of the line more times than I can count, and I’ve never felt that my height was a disadvantage. You know what they say about good things coming in small packages, right?

When I worked in mainstream television, I had someone tell me that I was too short to work on TV. I mean what do you do with a comment like that? Truthfully, I was offended and what I learned from that encounter was to lighten the moment because I understand that people don’t necessarily intend to offend. It happened quite a bit over my career because our beautiful imaginations project all kinds of qualities onto the people we see on television that don’t necessarily match with reality. When someone would say, “I didn’t expect you to be so short,” I’d say “well you have to be small to fit into the box” when televisions were shaped more like a box. It lightened the moment and diffused any awkwardness for the person making the comment. That’s employing compassion in the face of judgement and for me it is always the right thing to do.

“We cannot always do great things on this earth.  We can only do small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

As much as we find it easy to judge others, we have an equal supply of compassion we can call on. It may not be our first thought but remembering that we’re in charge of our responses to other people, we can choose again and select compassion instead of judgement any time. It takes practice but it’s a habit I strongly recommend nurturing, especially when we’re living in a community. You never know how the compassion you show someone else is going to impact their day. One small act of kindness, instead of judgement, can make the difference between someone feeling alone or feeling included.

When we care about other people and act from an intention of compassion instead of judgement we benefit because we feel good, our family, our friends, and our community all benefit too because the intention and the action coming from compassion help to lighten the moment and diffuse any awkwardness, just like I did with the people who said silly things to me.

“Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.” –Pema Chodron

There is one very important piece about compassion and judgement that we can’t overlook. Nobody is more judgemental of you than you are, and I think that needs to go. I wouldn’t want your fear of making a mistake, saying the “wrong” thing, or failing at something to prevent you from enjoying your life and trying new things. When we’re compassionate toward ourselves, we stretch what’s possible in our lives. If something difficult or painful happens, think of how you might comfort someone you care about and say those things to yourself. Take good care of yourself; when your body wants rest, listen, and give yourself a rest. Cultivate a habit of speaking kindly to yourself about yourself. Accept yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings as they are without trying to change anything. This practice of being nonjudgemental softens us and increases the compassion we feel for ourselves, which in turn makes it easier to be compassionate toward other people.

Here are a few ideas to help nurture the habit of being compassionate:

  • Listen. Being a good listener means asking questions and listening without having to talk about yourself or offering advice.
  • Put yourself in someone else’s place. Imagine what it must be like to be new in your community for example and invite someone new in by making them feel welcome. If someone in your community is going through a tough time, send a card or drop off a thoughtful gift to let them know you’re thinking of them. Ask them how they’re doing and just listen with compassion. If someone is celebrating something, the same thing applies. You never know the impact you can have on one person or many people just by letting someone know you’re thinking of them.
  • Say encouraging things to others and know that they feel better for having been in your company. 
  • Use the words thank you as often as possible.

Compassion is one of the keys to living well. Remember we’re all human, we all have a story, we all have feelings, and we are all in this together.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by Kathie Donovan

Thriving In Community

I remember my first day on the kibbutz in Israel. I was a twenty something Catholic girl from Montreal moving into a community I knew very little about; frankly, I was overwhelmed. Over my three months stay as a volunteer, I would be rotated through working in the kitchen, laundry, orange groves, cotton fields and helping with young children. I made friends among the volunteers and the kibbutzniks; I learned about a rich culture of collaboration, kindness and inclusion. The overwhelm I felt at the start was replaced with a feeling of deep admiration and connection with a community that felt more like family.

The aspect of kibbutz life that impressed me the most was how families were integrated and elders were revered. I enjoyed many conversations with older people, who had settled the kibbutz and soaked up insights from them on the importance of sustainable gardening and the beauty of growing older. They felt their importance in the kibbutz culture and when I came back to Canada, I was reminded of how we’ve had it so wrong for so long. I knew we were missing the gift of being able to hang out with and learn from people who have accrued a lot of wisdom over their lifetime.

Many years later, when I learned about The Wellings model of community living, something resonated deeply with me. In my mid-sixties at the time, I was now becoming one of those older people and I recognized that there was a great wave of us entering an important stage of life. We’re interested in being active, social, feeling part of community and we want to choose how we invest our precious time. The folks who designed The Wellings communities recognize that we are all important and we matter. I feel honoured and excited about the work we do to support people in making the next chapter of their life one of the best.

When we are part of a community that wants the same things such as comfort and convenience, connection with others and freedom to do as we please, the only thing we must do is realize how to maximize the experience. None of us are irrelevant, regardless of our age or our abilities. We need to accept that there will be challenges, just like every other stage of life but we don’t want our challenges to define our experience.

Which brings me to the subject of happiness and the question: what really makes us happy? The first answer most people give is either family, children or grandchildren which translates to feeling seen and feeling part of community. While we all have something to contribute to our family and our community at every stage of life, having an open mind and an open heart as we age means we’re receptive to new ideas, we’re interested in hearing other people’s stories, and we want the best not only for ourselves but for everyone in the community.

Once we have clarity around what’s important to us or what makes us happy, we can prioritize that in our everyday activities. One thing we must understand is that if we want to feel valued by others, we must make the first move and show others why we’re valuable instead of waiting for others to acknowledge it in us. If we want to feel kindness in our community, instead of waiting for others to show kindness to us, we need to pledge to be kind to others.

Kindness is one of the most important qualities in any human being at any age and it’s powerful. Dr. David Hamilton a physicist turned kindness expert explains that every act of kindness we do impacts at least five people: first, you benefit because your brain produces dopamine (known as helpers high). When you feel good, you produce oxytocin, which causes the release of nitric oxide, which reduces blood pressure and is said to be cardio protective. Oxytocin is also said to slow aging by reducing inflammation in the body. We are all wired for kindness so when we’re kind it’s much easier to make connection and form relationships. Obviously, the person receiving your kindness benefits and so does anyone who observes the act of kindness and anyone they tell about it. Added bonus: kindness is contagious, so you never know who you’re inspiring by being kind.

There are so many mixed messages in our culture about getting older and we want to support ideas such as ageless living, where your age doesn’t matter but who you are does. Just like life on the kibbutz, we want to encourage cooperation and collaboration in community instead of complaining and above all we want everyone to know that they are important, and they matter.

Reading reference: The Five Side Effects of Kindness Dr. David Hamilton, Hay House 2017

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by Kathie Donovan

The Best Medicine Is Laughter

Did you know that Adam & Eve were the first to ignore the Apple terms and conditions?

By the way, have you heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

But don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Have you stopped to consider that people who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders? And now a poem by Anne Scott:

“Missing” 

I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are—on my head!

We just wrote a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a rap. 

Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them. But despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Have a wonderful day, and don’t forget to laugh!

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by The Good Life With Kat & Nat

The Four Agreements For Life Long Happiness

Don Miguel Ruiz, a best-selling author of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, explains the origin of self-limiting ideas that rob us of joy and cause needless suffering. It is based on ancient Toltec wisdom. In this blog, we’ll explain how to use The Four Agreements, a straightforward “code of behavior,” to find happiness in your own life. The Four Agreements are, in their simplest form, as follows:

Be Impeccable With Your Word

According to Ruiz, signing this agreement signifies accepting responsibility for whatever you say and write. It can be rephrased as “Say what you mean, and mean what you say” and pertains to integrity.

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Why do we absorb someone else’s behaviors and words when we all have different beliefs, ambitions, and goals? It’s a typical error. This agreement emphasizes the importance of not giving people any power and that all they say and do is a projection of their reality. People are much more cooperative and focused on finding solutions rather than placing blame when they don’t take things personally.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Our time and energy are most significantly wasted when we make assumptions. This agreement promotes the idea that the ideal course of action is to ask questions in place of beliefs and to listen intently until all of your premises have been confirmed or corrected. Others can avoid this trap by maintaining an open line of communication.

Always Do Your Best

Although “always do your best” sounds like advice from your parents, it is always a good idea. According to Ruiz, your “best” varies from moment to moment and from circumstance to circumstance. In truth, giving your best effort doesn’t equate to doing too much, working too hard, or going “overboard” on anything. So said, it is being there and being who we are, even if all we can do at the time is listen. What benefits most from giving it your all? Self-criticism and remorse are never allowed to exist,  eliminating any room for self-criticism, lamenting the past, or undermining our efforts. It feels liberating to go through this.

Living The Four Agreements help us become self-aware and teach us how to control our emotions by preventing them from becoming reliant on others. We are considerate of others, in tune with ourselves, and effective communicators. We get more self-assured as we become aware of our driving forces, give everything our best effort. 

Incorporating The Four Agreements into our lives has helped us experience more freedom from limiting ideas and anxieties and find happiness, which has not only brought us to the Wellings community but also keeps us happy, focused, and inspired to continue growing in this area. We encourage you to do the same!

 

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by The Good Life With Kat & Nat

A Strong Heart

Do your part. Care for your heart. We will do ours and are going to pump you up. Love, your heart. Did you know that heart disease is first in both men and women’s causes of death? Take action now to reduce your risk of developing heart disease.

What you can do to help prevent heart disease is:

  • Eat well and exercise.
  • Maintaining a healthy weight.
  • Avoid secondhand smoke and stop smoking.
  • Manage your blood pressure and cholesterol levels.
  • Use alcohol sensibly only.
  • Reduce stress.

This week, consider taking a brief stroll, remember to live healthily, and stay young at heart.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by The Good Life With Kat & Nat

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